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The venue Damien picked is a small botanical garden outside of New Bristol, in the direction of Benton. The staff of the gardens were extremely accommodating to our requests, even Giulio’s silly wish to have the flowers arranged in the shape of reptiles. There’s even a hedge bush that has been carved into a lizard of some sort.
I guess the money was too good to pass up, and I know not a cent was saved for this event.
Despite the hedge lizard and the snake made of lilac roses and the chameleon made of violets… it actually does look beautiful. There is still an archway with lavender-colored flowers at the very end. The guests—a much smaller guest list than Lucia’s failed wedding to Emilio Pavone, thank god—are all sitting quietly and seem to be getting along. Everybody is looking sharp in expensive suits and dresses.
The music begins, and I patiently wait just inside the building as Elena goes out to take Giulio’s arm. The two of them walk down the aisle steadily. He gives her a kiss once they reach the altar, and she takes her place to the side.
Next up is Lucia. She takes Slayer’s arm, and I think if it were up to her she’d hurry all the way down the aisle but Slayer is keeping her pace moderate. She had flat out refused to walk with Damien. I wonder what she would have thought if she knew what Slayer used to do for his work, or what his role in my life is. Right now, she only knows him as Giulio’s best friend and bodyguard.
Once they reach the altar, Giulio shakes Slayer’s hand… and leans down to kiss Lucia on the cheek. I can’t see her expression from here, but I assume it isn’t friendly.
“Mama!” Pandora says from Damien’s arms as they start to pass me.
I give her a smile and a quick kiss. I kiss Damien’s cheek, too.
“Is it the wedding of your dreams?” I ask him softly.
He smiles back. “Yes. Now, come on, Pandora, let’s not be late.” He hefts her a little higher and heads out. His other hand is holding a basket of flower petals, and Pandora reaches in to scatter some of those before deciding she would rather eat the petals.
The audience chuckles while Damien tries to wrangle her into dropping the flowers.
They make it to the altar, and Pandora immediately stretches her arms out for Giulio. He takes her and kisses her forehead a few times before handing her back to Damien.
Now it’s my turn.
The music turns dramatic, and everyone stands up as I start to walk down the aisle. This is the part where ordinarily, the father would “give” his daughter away, but obviously that’s not happening, and there’s no father figure in my life. I’d sort of wanted Damien at my side, but it hadn’t been feasible.
I take a deep breath as cell phone cameras start to click and make other noises, and I’m glad that the veil hides the fact that I am downright terrified. I don’t even know why, though I remember Giulio’s ominous words leading up to our first wedding.
Have you thought for even one second I would let you go? Because if yes, I haven’t terrorized you enough.
That smile, so cheerful, so at odds with those words…
But the fact is, I’m already married. I might not be wearing my ring—none of us are, partially to put them on during the ceremony, and partially so Lucia doesn’t catch on that all four of us have matching rings—but it’ll be back on soon enough.
I reach the altar, and Giulio takes my hands into his. His eyes are on me the entire time as he lifts my hands up to kiss the knuckles. “Hi, Mama,” he whispers.
Even through my veil, I can tell he looks even more perfect up close. Like Damien, he’s always been handsome, but the three of them have cleaned up especially well for the wedding.
“Hi,” I whisper back, suddenly feeling shy even though I have no idea why.
Unsurprisingly, he’s opted not to wear a black suit; instead, he’s chosen a lavender suit made of expensive fabric with faint patterning that I can’t make out very well.
What is surprising is that he’s wearing a nice vest over the shirt… and a tie. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him wear a tie before, and it sort of makes me want to grab it and pull him closer to me so I don’t feel so vulnerable standing at the altar.
I refrain, and he smiles at me as he lifts the veil. He carefully places it over my hair, his eyes searching my face—for what, I don’t know.
The minister standing behind us coughs lightly. It’s one of the staff from the botanical garden, who must be used to doing this for complete strangers.
“Dear guests! We’ve gathered here today to celebrate the union between Giulio Pavone and Vanessa Bellini…”
The words sound similar to what the priest had said at Lucia’s failed wedding, although there is no reference to god or the duty of a wife.
I’m grateful for the relatively neutral phrasing and the fact that it’s fairly straightforward. But then it gets to the point where Giulio and I are supposed to exchange our personal vows, which is the apparent highlight of the wedding. My mouth feels dry, like I’ve just eaten several crackers, and thick, like I topped them with peanut butter.
I look down at Giulio’s feet, trying desperately to remember how to speak—and what words I’d prepared for the occasion—and I have to stifle a laugh when I see he’s wearing sandals. With a suit. To his own wedding.
It’s easier, then, and I look up at him to see the grin on his lips.
“I did practice my vows,” I blurt out, blushing when the audience starts chuckling. “I mean. Ah, okay. I was going to say that I remembered the first day I met you, and you showed up to a wedding rehearsal wearing sandals and having forgotten the rings. You’re still wearing sandals, but I really hope you didn’t forget the rings this time.”
There’s more laughter, and Giulio answers, “I hope not! Damien, did I forget the rings?”
“Slayer has them this time,” Damien answers just as deadpan as always.
Slayer holds up a hand with the rings in them, winking at me. I take the bigger one, then breathe in deeply.
“Okay. No minor disasters this time.” It’s strange how I can make light of our first meeting, when it was such a terrifying day when it happened. But it was also so Giulio, and I understand him so much more now than I did back then. It had seemed like he was purposefully trying to make things worse for all of us.
He was just trying to break free of his father.
“Giulio. Our relationship has been rocky, and it’s not what I ever envisioned for my life. But I think I’ve grown stronger over these past few years. I learned a lot. And I know there is nobody else in the world who could ever love me with as much passion as you do. I know that as long as you—” and Damien, and Slayer, “are at my side, I’ll never have to worry about being wanted or loved. I know that Pandora, and any future children, will be the safest children in the world.”
Is that enough? I don’t know how to convey the depths of my feelings. I don’t know how true anything I’m saying even is. When Giulio is good, he makes me laugh. But he still has his dark moments, and he still has no regard for anybody but his family.
There’s nothing I can do to change things now, though. Unless I want to lose my mind, I have to keep ignoring all the bad parts and focus on the stuff that makes me happy.
I take his hand and slip the ring onto it. “I love you, Giulio,” I say, blushing even brighter.
Giulio smiles back at me, and for a second he looks so innocent and normal. I blink, and his eyes are harder again, more secretive.
“Vanessa,” Giulio says as he brushes a lock of my hair behind my ear. “Sometimes I think: you’ve got to be a real idiot to tell me that you love me.”
I hear Lucia hiss sharply behind me. Even Damien looks a bit alarmed.
My heart pounds in my chest, but I’m so used to Giulio that I simply wait for him to continue.
“Tolerating me is probably the biggest mistake of your life, but let’s be real. I’m way too selfish to help you see the light. I told you the first time we got married that I’m never, ever letting you go, and it still stands.”
I know that. I know that in the very depths of my heart. Even if I wanted to take Lucia up on her offer—even if I wanted to run—he’d never let me go. He and Damien and Slayer… I’m theirs, and in our own twisted way, they’re mine, too.
“I look at you and my chest starts to hurt with how much I want you, with how fucking beautiful you are. If there was a trolley problem and I had to choose between the entire fucking world and you, guess what: I’m picking you.” He stops and inclines his head. “All right, I’d make sure Pandora was with you, and then I’d flip the switch to murder the rest of the world.”
The staff officiant squeaks, and I have a feeling he hasn’t heard vows like this before.
I can hear Slayer snickering behind us, and I just know the audience has to be a mixture of amused and horrified. If it wasn’t mostly mafia people and our allies, I’d be a little bit more worried about Giulio being so openly genocidal, but these people are the ones who would understand more than anything because they play for keeps.
I glance at Lucia, but she’s not looking at me. She’s looking somewhere in the audience, but I don’t follow her gaze. I look back at Giulio, and my voice is a little dry as I rasp, “Good to know your priorities.”
His words should alarm me. I know they should. Instead, they have me feeling a little warm inside, because he’s not lying: he’d choose me, choose us. They make me a little nervous, too, though, because he’s telling everyone how much I mean to him. They already know that to hurt me is to invite his very, very bloody vengeance, but now there’s no denying it.
Giulio takes the ring from Slayer and places it on my finger. “In case you haven’t figured it out yet: I love you, Vanessa.”
My heart feels like it’s swelling three sizes, and my only regret is that I can’t exchange similar words with Damien and Slayer—not now, at least, though I might see if I can corner them into exchanging vows before they get their rings back.
I crack a smile at him, breaking through the seriousness of the moment. “Are you going to kiss me or what?”
Giulio glances at the officiant. “You gonna say the words?”
The officiant startles and coughs into his hand. He looks a bit spooked. “Uh, yes. You are hereby married. You may kiss the bride.”
Giulio pulls me closer and presses our lips together. I hear more cameras going off, and Pandora making babbling noises, and Giulio’s little growl as he grips my waist and deepens the kiss.
We’ve been married, of course, but I think it didn’t feel real until exactly now, with witnesses and public confessions.
I really am Vanessa Pavone.
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