Hello, my loves,
Raissa here! This is going to be long, like all of my rambles, but the tl;dr is that we really wanted to make sure that the mental health struggles our characters went through were realistic and potentially relatable in some ways. In other words, it hit us in the feels, so we were gonna hit you in the feels too. Why? What struggles did we face? Well, that’s too long for a tl;dr, so keep reading.
So. Here goes.
Now that the third “Dark Billionaires of New Bristol” book is out in the wild, I wanted to take some time to chat with you about some of the mental health themes that are pervasive in the books. These dark romances are just that: dark. Obviously — obviously, she says, because these are Raissa & Addison books! — there’s noncon, but there’s more to them than just being your bog-standard smutty books.
At least, that’s what we think, and I hope you agreed — or that you will agree when you get a chance to read them. (And leave reviews. Please? #shamelessplea)
If you’ve been following along at home, you may know that it took us literally 6 months to write Brutal, which is “only” 85k words long. In comparison, it took us about 3-4 months to write and edit the Vanessa books, which clocked in at 105-115k words. So why did it take so much longer? Because Brutal was hard, y’all.
We’d already set what we thought was a high bar from Savage and Vicious, and outdoing that was a terrifying and honestly daunting task. We were finally at the story of the man who’d been described as the most volatile — the most Brutal, as it were — of the three, and there were so many things to take into consideration. How do we make him horrible, first of all? How do we make it kinky and fun to write/read? And finally, how the everloving fuck are we going to make him redeemable to the reader?
You can probably argue that neither Hunter Savage nor Chase Vicious were particularly redeemable, but with how terrible Drake Brutal is/was, he needed something to make him stand out. That missing piece was important to both of us, but as I began to write him, I recognized a spark in this character that was just speaking to me. First, it was a whisper, but as we kept working through it, it turned into a roar… and I knew I had to lean in to something that was going to be really, really fucking difficult.
Sidebar: One day, I’ll write to you about our writing process and how it works, but the short version is that we write together live in the same document with our “chosen” lead. In this particular book, I took control of Drake, and Addison drove Mimosa. This is important because it helps us ensure the characters stay in character and true to our visions. Ahem. Right.
So I decided that yes, Drake Brutal struggles with both ADHD and Borderline Personality Disorder. I was nervous as fuck, y’all. It was one thing to write Stef and her suicidal ideations — and if anyone wants me to write about that in more detail, just let me know — but it was another to write someone afflicted with these two conditions. ADHD is one thing, but BPD? No, that’s a fucking landmine fraught with misunderstanding and misdiagnosis… and it’s something I’ve struggled with for most of my life.
(Also, if you ever wonder why there are so many f-bombs, em dashes, and ellipses in our writing, it’s me. I’m the problem. It’s me.)
A little bit of technical talk to bring you up to speed:
Borderline Personality Disorder is a curious thing. It can be misdiagnosed as Bipolar Disorder II, but there are a few major differences. Keep in mind here that I’m speaking from experience, conferring with professionals, and doing research, but I am not a medical professional! In addition, I am a female with BPD, and it can present differently in men. Regardless, the major hallmarks of BPD are intense abandonment and attachment issues, volatility, mood swings, self-harm, and so on. Guess how much fun all of that is! Tons. Really. (Not.) BPD often comes with other “comorbidities” such as ADHD, Depression, and so on, so it’s really all just as clear as mud.
The other major difference between Bipolar and BPD is that Bipolar can be treated with medication. The symptoms of BPD and other associated ailments can be treated, but there is no cure-all direct medication for it. (Is there really a cure-all medication for any mental illness? Some might argue that there isn’t.) Mood stabilizers help, but everything has side effects. Usually, the main way to combat BPD is therapy. So much therapy, all the therapy, until you’re ready to throw therapy out of the window, then more.
Okay, so how the fuck does that relate to Brutal? Why does this matter?
Because to me, he’s not just a fictional character. I dove deep into his head to the point where I had to take a few deep breaths. Without giving any spoilers, there’s a scene where he feels a sense of abandonment so keen that it took my breath away to write it. I remember sitting at my desk crying my eyes out — ugly crying, y’all — because it was so visceral and real to me. I was literally shaking and wondering how Mimosa could be so cruel to poor Drake, and it was like I’d totally forgotten all of the other things that he’d done to her because the pain was just so immediate.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve never bought or tortured anyone before, and I never would. But I have had intense episodes that feel almost out-of-body where I’ve utterly lost my shit at someone because I was hurting. There’s a book about BPD called I Hate You/Don’t Leave Me, and it’s a really good resource if you recognize yourself in Drake at all. The title is very apt because that’s exactly how it feels: “I’m going to hurt you as badly as I can because I hate you as much as I hate myself… but please stay anyway, because I need you.”
It can feel abusive. I suppose in many cases, it is abusive. People feel like they’re walking on eggshells around you, waiting to hit your trigger point, not knowing if you’re going to explode at any given moment. And at the same time, you feel like you’re losing your mind. You don’t want to be that way, but you don’t feel like you can help it. You want to change, but you have to admit there’s a problem and work on it, and fuck, I’ve been in therapy for damn near thirty years now and still struggle. A lot of people with BPD won’t bother trying. It feels pointless.
But it’s a lonely, fucked-up existence that drives you to things like self-harm (me) or substance abuse and even physical violence (Drake). There is no excusing what Drake says and does to Mimosa. He has a disorder, but at some point, he has to stop deluding himself and make an effort to change. Will he backslide? Absolutely. Will she forgive him? Time will tell. Should she forgive him?
That’s complicated, and it isn’t something I can really speak on. I’ve burned so many bridges and lost so many friends over the years because I was out of control. People aren’t required to deal with my shit. Mimosa isn’t required to deal with Drake’s shit. She doesn’t have a magic vagina; he doesn’t have a magic penis that absolves him of his sins. The fact that she chooses to stay isn’t a reflection of her goodness or kindness; it also doesn’t mean she’s a doormat or that she’s leaving herself open to abuse.
When it comes to BPD, nothing is clear and dry — which is why Addison and I still consider this a “toxic romance.” Until Drake truly realizes what it means to own up to his problems and overcome them, he can’t be the best partner to her that he can be. And Mimi… Well, she has her own problems — as would anyone who’d been through what she has.
But that’s a topic for another day.
Thank you for reading.
Love,
Raissa