Updates once per week (5 Chapters Total). Content notes apply only to this part.
I plug the space heater in next to the bed and turn it on. It takes a minute for the heat to kick in, but I sigh in relief when it does. I would have been mad if it had been a dud.
Taylor gets onto the bed and pulls the comforter over his lap. He’s still wearing the giant coat I’d found.
“You should be next to the heater,” Taylor says, patting that space on the bed. “Since I’ve got the coat.”
I purse my lip, ready to fight him on it. I’m doing all this for him, so he can have at least a little bit of comfort in this shithole we call home.
“Don’t give me that look,” he says. “Come on. We can huddle for warmth until the heat spreads out a little more, at least.”
“Fine,” I say, crawling into the bed. Taylor lies down next to me and pulls the comforter over both of us.
I stare at him, and I wonder, like I often do, if there’s something narcissistic about the fact that I think Taylor is beautiful. It’s my face, after all, except the fact that he’s softer than I am, and his eyes are brighter. He keeps his dark hair longer than mine, too, but that’s a superficial difference.
Taylor stares back for a few moments before he shifts to grab his phone. He’s always the one to break eye-contact first.
“Want to watch something?” he says lamely. “I think that one youtuber uploaded a new vid.”
“Whatever you want,” I say, because I don’t care what we watch. I’m happy to be warm with him. We’d even stopped for a quick bite to eat, and maybe that was ill-advised but we can’t do a lot of heavy thinking on an empty stomach.
He nods, though there’s something uncertain in his expression. Vulnerable. He moves abruptly, pressing his forehead against mine. “We’ll get through this, Denver,” he says, like I’m the one doubting. He’s the one who always needs reassurance, but bleeding heart that he is, he tries to give it to me instead.
“We will,” I agree. I’ve been thinking about how we can earn rent. I don’t want to go back to selling myself on the streets, especially not in the dead of winter. Too cold, too few Johns willing to freeze their dicks off. I don’t like the idea of Taylor selling himself like that either, and I know he’d insist on doing it too if I was.
A legitimate job would be nice, except we’ve both got no job history and our resumes wouldn’t look particularly enticing. There’s also the problem of minimum wage jobs not being enough to cover rent. Rent in New Bristol is a bitch.
“Maybe we should leave New Bristol,” I suggest. “Go south, where it’s warmer.”
“That’s not a bad idea,” Taylor says. He pulls away from me, but he grabs my hand. His fingers are still like ice, and I squeeze his hand. “Cheaper, too. I guess if we turn tricks for a few weeks, get lucky…” He trails off. We both know we’ll barely get enough to scrape by on the streets, and we definitely won’t get lucky. “Maybe we need to think differently,” he says in that cautious tone he always uses when he’s about to say something he knows I won’t like. “We’re young enough, hot enough. We could probably find a sugar daddy.”
My heart freezes in my chest. “No,” I say with more anger than I mean to.
The idea of Taylor fucking somebody he calls daddy makes my skin crawl and bile rise in my throat. I take a deep breath to steady myself.
He looks taken aback, and a little wary, and I berate myself for putting that look on his face. I’ve always been his protector, not the person he should be afraid of.
“It wouldn’t be—” he starts, but he falters when he sees my expression. “Okay. Okay, I’m sorry. I just thought it would be better than… you know, fucking random guys in the street. At least it’d just be one?”
“And we’d be beholden to him. We’d have to dance to his tune, and if he was holding your mouth shut to keep you from making any noise while he raped you—” Fuck. I cut myself off and shake my head, trying to ignore the way Taylor’s eyes go wide. “If there’s no other choice, I’ll do it. You shouldn’t have to.”
“Neither should you,” he mumbles. “Denver, the whole thing sucks. But you’re only five minutes older than I am. This isn’t on you. We’re in this together, right?”
“I can handle it,” I say, much more monotone. I pull him closer to me, twining my legs with his. “Anyway, we won’t do it. There are other clubs, I bet. They’ll only care about how nice we dance.”
Taylor nods, forcing a smile. He cuddles close to me, still so fucking vulnerable, and the need to protect him only gets stronger as I think about how wrong things could go.
But we can dance, and there are other clubs.
“I’m sorry,” he blurts out after a moment.
I look at him, incredulous. “What are you sorry for?”
He bites his lip. “Everything. Everything you’ve done for me, everything I let you do for me. It’s…” Tears well up in his eyes. “It’s so much. It’s too much.”
I kiss his forehead gently and stroke his head. “It’s not too much. You’re my brother. I love you.”
More than you know.
“Love you too,” he whispers. He burrows against me, burying his face against my chest. “We’ll look for other clubs tomorrow, right?” His voice is muffled, and I can feel his breath against my neck. It shouldn’t do things to me, but it does.
“Yeah,” I answer, soothing him as best I can. “There’s got to be another place nearby.” I don’t want to think about baring my body for strangers right now, though. I kiss the top of his head again and reluctantly loosen my grip on him. “Okay, you said something about watching vids?”
He nods against me, and for a moment, I think I feel the brush of his lips against my neck. I have to be imagining it, though, because he draws back slowly. His eyes are wet with unshed tears, but he blinks them away and grabs his phone again. “How about some funny cat videos?” he suggests.
“Sure.”
Taylor props his phone up and we watch as the room warms around us.
I wish the world could always be just this: me and Taylor completely cut off from everything else.
I don’t need anyone but him.
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