Marrying Vanessa – Chapter One

Vanessa’s getting married! (For real this time.)

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“No, I think the darker shade would bring out her eyes more,” Elena says from behind Lucia. 

Lucia rolls her eyes, but she does look down at her makeup pallet before taking some of the darker color and brushing it onto my eyes. 

I try to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, but Lucia is blocking half of my view, and she tilts my head to apply the make-up more easily. My eyes land on Elena instead.

She’s already wearing the soft blue dress for her role as… I guess she’s a bridesmaid. I wouldn’t have chosen her to be in my wedding party at all, but Giulio had insisted. 

In order to hide her scars, she’s done her hair in a way that it falls over half her face and hides a significant portion of her scars. It makes it easier to imagine the woman she would have been without Emilio Pavone destroying her life.

“All right, you’re right, that’s better,” Lucia admits. She sets the eyeshadow down and reaches for the tissues and a bottle of clear liquid. “Vanessa, hold still, I’m going to remove the other eye and redo it.”

It’s only then that I realize I’ve been squirming this whole time, which probably has not made it easier for my sister to apply my makeup. At least it’s her and not Elena directly applying it. Even though I sort of understand why Elena had sold me out, it still bothers me. She could’ve talked to me before going to Giulio about the sponges. It’s been almost two years, but the betrayal still hits me in the gut. I can’t even meet her eyes.

Of course, she and Lucia seem to be getting along just fine, chatting with each other like old friends despite the fact that they probably should’ve been enemies. I guess Lucia has more in common with Elena than I do, and that’s somewhat of a disturbing thought.

I sit quietly while Lucia removes the makeup from one eyelid and begins to reapply it. 

“It’s a shame you don’t wear makeup more often,” Lucia says. “There are some looks that would be amazing on you.” She, of course, is already wearing a full face of makeup. She’d given herself shimmery eye shadow and slightly purple tinted lipstick, which all matches her gorgeous dress.

If she weren’t applying the makeup for me, the matron of honor would look better than the bride.

“I have a toddler crawling around and getting into everything,” I say with exasperation. “I don’t even get half an hour to shower, let alone apply makeup. Pandora is not a baby you can just leave by herself.”

“Probably because she’s like her father,” Lucia mutters, not sounding particularly kind.

I sigh. “Lucia…”

She waves a hand then goes back to my makeup. “Sorry, sorry.” She doesn’t sound sorry at all, but then, she and Giulio have made no secret of their animosity. 

Elena snorts and covers her mouth with her hand. “Just wait until she’s a teenager. Giulio was quite the handful then.”

“And this is why I’m never having children,” Lucia deadpans, switching to the mascara. “Close your eyes again.” 

I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t want to have children with Victor Corvi either, even if she does seem to truly care for him for reasons I could never hope to understand.

Then again, she’ll never understand why I love Giulio, either. 

The door opens behind me, and I tense up automatically.

“How are you doing here?” Damien asks. “Giulio’s been bouncing around in anticipation.”

Lucia glances over at Damien, her lips curling in disgust. “What’s he anticipating? He’s already married. This is just a ceremony.”

“The wedding night?” Damien answers dryly, and both Elena and I giggle but Lucia’s glare only gets stronger.

“He’s had plenty of those since the two of you kidnapped her,” Lucia says, her voice turning frosty, like it does when she’s faced with something she doesn’t particularly like. “I don’t understand what’ll be so special about ra—”

“Lucia,” I interrupt her, not wanting her to finish that sentence. “Is that all for my makeup? I still need to get the veil in place.” 

Lucia sighs, but she nods too. “Yeah. Come on. I’ll help you get properly into your dress, too.”

I haven’t zipped up yet, and I’m missing the gauzy sleeves that don’t even connect to the dress itself. I’m still not sure what the point of these sleeves is, but Damien had been very enamored by the look when we were shopping for dresses.

Maybe I should have done the dress shopping with Lucia, but I didn’t want to deal with her commentary the entire time while I was trying to find a dress.

I get up a bit awkwardly, the tight gown making it more difficult to walk than usual. I’m dreading putting on the shoes—flats, thankfully—and trying to look graceful as I walk down the aisle.

“Mama!” a very familiar voice cries out. 

I turn, and I see that Pandora is trying to wobble over to me. She’s wearing an adorable little dress, and Damien had fastened a headband with a flower on her.

After three steps, Pandora falls to her knees, but she just keeps crawling in my direction. I smile and kneel down, dress be damned, and hold out my arms for her.

“Hi, Pandora! What a cute little girl you are!”

She babbles happily as I pick her up, grabbing at one of my earrings. I wince as I carefully pry her fingers loose from the dangling strand of diamonds.

“No,” I tell her firmly. “We don’t yank on Mama’s jewelry.”

She looks unrepentant in a way only a child her age can be, and I sigh. 

“Here, Damien, can you take her?” I ask, offering Pandora out to him. “I still need to get properly into this dress.” 

Damien gives me a soft smile. “She really wanted to see you. Even Giulio couldn’t calm her down. Although it probably didn’t help that he kept asking her how much she missed you and if she could find you to give you kisses.”

Lucia shakes her head but thankfully doesn’t comment. 

Elena smiles and comes over to me and takes Pandora off my hands. I’m a bit reluctant to let her hold my child, but Elena hasn’t done anything objectionable with Pandora ever. It’s just my own feelings of misgivings.

“Why don’t you let your mother get ready. We can go pick out some flowers! Do you want to throw flowers on the floor?” Elena asks Pandora.

Pandora babbles and reaches for Elena’s hair, although Elena deftly manages to sweep her hair out of reach. Some of her scars end up showing, but Pandora has no issue with them at all. To Pandora, Elena is just her loving grandmother.

It feels bizarre to think that Lucia could’ve easily ended up as another grandmother for her — which is something Giulio has delighted in reminding her, much to her growing annoyance. She’s patient enough with Pandora when she has to be, but she’s made it very clear that she’s not motherhood material… and that she’d have drowned Giulio years ago if he’d been her child. 

It does not make Damien like Lucia. 

I finally let myself observe Damien properly. He’s wearing a very well-tailored, dark purple suit. There’s a lavender flower pinned to his breast pocket. Under the jacket he’s wearing a silk vest with delicate embroidery.

The shirt is still unbuttoned at the top, and some of his chest hair peeks out. But his beard is trimmed more than I’m used to, in a style that makes him look younger.

He’s so handsome, and so well-dressed, it would almost be possible to think he was the groom.

I wish he could be. I wish Slayer and Damien could meet me at the altar with Giulio.

I shake that thought away and turned my attention back to Pandora. Elena has carried Pandora over to the table with the flower arrangements. My bouquet is already set aside, waiting for me to walk down the aisle with it.

It’s silly that I’m getting nervous over this ceremony, when Giulio and I are already married and have been for over a year now.

“Come on,” Lucia says, taking my hand and leading me toward the walk-in closet. “It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding, Damien.”

“But I’m not the groom,” Damien answers. “And Giulio has already seen the dress.”

She gives him an annoyed look. “I’d like some time alone with my sister. Go tell Giulio she’ll be out on time.” She tugs at my hand, and I cast a helpless look back at Damien before allowing my sister to take me into the closet and close the door behind us. She faces me once we’re in the closet alone, taking my other hand as well. “How are you?” she asks, her voice much quieter, much softer, than it has been. 

I blink at her. “Fine?” 

“You don’t have to do this,” Lucia tells me.

I sigh, resigning myself to having this conversation again. “Lucia, I’m already married to him. What do you expect me to do? Just disappear on the day of our actual wedding?”

“Weddings are cursed in our families anyway,” she says, making me shudder as I think of the last wedding I’d attended — the one where she’d been the bride-to-be, before Victor and his men had shot the place up and…

What?

“Are you happy?” I ask her, unable to stop myself. 

Lucia blinks at me, taken aback, and it takes her a moment to gather herself. “Of course I am. Do you really think I’d offer to take you out of this place, away from these people, if I didn’t have a safe place to bring you to?” 

“That’s not what I asked,” I say, squeezing her hands. “You’re… harder. Colder. I know you’re standing at Victor Corvi’s side, but…” 

“Nessa,” she says, and there’s a little bit of laughter in her voice. “I get to do what I want, when I want, with very few exceptions. Why wouldn’t I be happy?” 

“Because he’s like twice your age!” I protest. “You’re still young, too young to be stuck with someone who could be… who could be our father.” I make a face. 

Lucia rolls her eyes. “And you’re too young to be a mother, but that doesn’t change anything, does it?” She pauses, considering for a moment, then says, “I am. Happy, that is. I didn’t think I would be, and thank fuck I never had to marry Emilio, and… I’m safer now than I ever could be. I have Victor and his men behind me.”

“I’m safe, too,” I tell her. “Giulio will never let anything happen to me, ever again.” Even if sometimes it means I chafe a little at the restrictions. But it’s better than letting one of his enemies take me again. 

“I don’t like that he keeps Damien around you,” Lucia says out of nowhere, and I blink at her. “He’s a creep, and I don’t trust him.”

If only she knew. No, scratch that. She’d probably try to kill him if she did. 

“It must be a theme in second-in-commands,” I say as lightly as I can manage. “Angelo freaks me out too.” 

There’s something in her expression that throws me for a moment, something soft, but it disappears so quickly that I’m not sure I saw it at all. “All you have to do is say the word, Vanessa, and we’ll get you and Pandora out. I don’t care what kind of war it starts. If the three of us need to vanish together, we will. I have plenty of money saved up.”

Her words touch me, and I soften as well. “Lucia… I love you. And I appreciate it, so much. But I’m safe, and I’m happy, and so is Pandora.” 

Lucia sighs, but she nods. “If that ever changes, you let me know. All right?” she says fiercely. 

“Okay,” I say, even though I know it’ll never come to that. Giulio… The way he loves Pandora, he’d hunt us down to the ends of the earth if I ever vanished with her. The way he loves me, too, a crazy sort of love that defies reason. “Let’s finish getting ready before we do end up being late.”

She squeezes my hands again, then releases them, and gestures for me to turn around. I do, and she zips up the back of my dress. After that, she helps me pull the detachable sleeves on, which billow around my arms. “We’ll get the train attached when we’re ready to go to the main venue,” she says, more businesslike then. “And the veil.” 

I turn back to face her. 

“You look beautiful, Nessa,” she says, her voice lilting with sincerity. 

I blush. I’m not glamorous, not like my sister is, but her words make me feel good anyway. 

“Thank you,” I answer quietly. “For everything. And maybe this isn’t really what we imagined for ourselves when we were both dreaming of escape… but I think we found where we belong.”

Even if she doesn’t agree, Lucia nods and embraces me. Her heels mean she isn’t quite as short compared to me as usual.

A loud wailing interrupts our hugging. I sigh and release Lucia. “Work as a mom never ends.”

Lucia snorts in response. “Yeah. Let’s see what your adorable little daughter—” and I’m sure Lucia means the exact opposite of that, “wants.”

We head out of the closet. Pandora is pounding her fists against Damien’s chest, to absolutely no avail. He isn’t even fazed by her screaming. I’ve seen him hold a wailing Pandora for over thirty minutes, so I know she has no chance against him.

He’s used to dealing with Giulio, after all. Pandora is easy in comparison.

“Honey, what about this flower?” Elena says, holding out a flower to Pandora. “We can put it in your hair!”

Pandora swats at Elena’s hand and only cries louder.

I walk over to them and wipe a tear from the corner of Pandora’s eye. “Pandora, what’s wrong?”

“Mama!” she shouts, stretching her arms out to me. She manages to catch one of the gauzy sleeves, and I can already envision her ripping a hole into them. 

I grimace and get my hand around her wrist and loosen her grip. “I’m afraid I can’t hold you right now, frog. Mama has to go get married. But you’ll get to walk in front of me and throw flowers!”

I don’t know how much she understands. I do know that my words don’t make a difference.

“She might be hungry,” Damien suggests, and his eyes settle on my chest.

I can’t help but blush, mostly because my sister is standing right there and she would freak out if she knew about Damien’s many pregnancy-related kinks. I’m still breastfeeding Pandora, but a quick glance at the clock on the wall tells me I don’t have time to partially undress, feed her, then get back into my clothes. “There should be some snacks in her diaper bag,” I say. “I packed her a sippy cup of juice, too. Can you take care of her for me, please?” 

Lucia gives me an odd look. “I’m sure Elena can—”

“No,” Damien says flatly. “I’ll take care of it.” He hefts Pandora higher—and her crying gets stronger—as he carries her to the other room of this large suite. 

I take a deep breath. He can handle Pandora, and I can finish getting ready. Shoes, and the train, and the veil.

“The dress is very lovely,” Elena says. She takes a seat in one of the armchairs and watches while Lucia helps me finish the outfit. “It suits you.”

“Thank you,” I answer awkwardly.

I don’t know if she’s trying to extend an olive branch or what. I’ve been too… nervous, or afraid, to address any of our issues. It’s easier to simply pretend that everything is fine, for Giulio’s sake. She must be doing the same.

Neither of us knows how Giulio would react if we were to fight properly.

“Better than my dress was.” Lucia finishes attaching the train. “Bend down so I can get the veil in your hair, Ness.”

I do, and she deftly pins it into my hair. 

“There,” she says. “Perfect.” There’s a bittersweet note to her voice, and I know she’s thinking that it would be perfect if the situation was different, if I was marrying someone else. She knows I always wanted to get away from mafia life, and she doesn’t understand why I’d change my mind for someone like Giulio Pavone. 

I can’t ever explain it to her. She wouldn’t understand. 

“Well,” I say after a pause, taking a deep breath. “I guess it’s time to get married.” My lips quirk into a small smile. “Again.” 

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